Surrender

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GO Fest Singapore

This past more than one month has been getting so much more intense for me especially after GoForth Singapore. Eventhough the conference is really general because it was organised for all the churches and mission organizations in Singapore. But God still works powerfully in me and my friends in His own way and also through Loren Cunningham message and prayer. I remembered in the conference many times I sneaked out to spent time alone with God, twice I went to public bookstore to read about Mother Teresa's book, "Come be my Light". As I was reading that book or even doing my quiet time alone in Mac'D, I just couldn't hold my tears. I felt my heart was so heavy as if it was going to fall off. He is drawing me into a deeper place with Him. He is calling me to spend more time with Him because many times I tend to run to people and my other "comforts" first but this time I feel the consuming jealousy and thirst of God for more of me to Himself. I feel He wants all of me to Himself. That's means I need to surrender to Him in another deeper level where I've not known before that I had hold it so tight.

I remembered there are times where this process of warfare between my own flesh; "idol" and my spirit was so intense, I thought I can't go on another step. I asked God to deliver me from this idol in my heart. I want to be completely set free to worship and love God with all my heart. He deserves the highest place in my heart, my mind, my soul and everything of me. But God's grace is always sufficient, times when I thought I couldn't go on anymore, His strength and love will comes in and revives me again. There are times I want my own desires so badly that I asked God why can't He grant that to me then God gently reminds me of my prayers crying out to God to remove anything that would hinders my whole heart to Him. He did! Praise God!

Yesterday, God told me, "You can't love me by your own strength. No one can. Only through my grace and my perfect love that flows through you. "He continued on, " Liyien, you said you are passionate for me, your deepest place crying out for my deepest touch but I tell you is the other way round. My passion is so much more for you, is My deepest heart crying out for your deepest place and touch. My heart leaps for joy awaiting for you every morning, every moment. My passion is not the Cross but My passion is you, is My people, everyone. It is this passion that leads me to the Cross and in giving up My life. If anyone knows the fullness of my passion towards each one of them, they will easily and willingly lay down their own life for me."

I cried as He spoke that to me knowing how much broken heart and suffering He carry and longs for us. I had a dream last night, I was in a room with few other people and I was in great pain like I never felt in my life before. No one but God alone was with me. He did not delivered me of this pain but He sat next to me whole time, holding my hands tightly and gently whispering words of encouragement to me. I thank God for this beautiful picture assuring that He is with me and He will be my strength.

What Mother Teresa and Brother Yun, "Heavenly man" wrote really inspired me of pure love for Jesus through suffering. I'm amazed at how they both rejoice over suffering because in suffering they are one with Jesus. I now see suffering in different light. Many times I still fail but I know He will never give up on me and that He will keep purifying my love and heart for Him. A Father Child relationship, is all about receiving from the Father but a Bridal relationship is where we can also share His joy, pain, suffering and heart beat.

Consume me Lord, draw me deeper into You. Purify my heart.
Show me Your suffering on the road of calvary and on the cross, only then will I understand the depth of Your love for me and Your people.

My Thailand Trip

It was a great and wonderful experience as most of your received email of me requesting prayers for this trip. I felt strong prompting that God wants me to go. He gave me words and also specific confirmation that I asked from Him. It was indeed true what God promised He will do for me in this trip. He really gave me breakthrough, He revealed the secret things of my heart to me, healing and also miracles too..

I took a plane to Chiang Mai. I stayed in this place called Juniper Tree, mainly a retreat place only for missionary. I stayed for 4days and 3nights. It was really a great place but i stayed there most of the time worrying about my finances and on my last day as I was praying God revealed things in my heart that has hinder His love and blessings to flow in my life. After I got myself right with God again, I feel a sense of breakthrough, peace, joy and faith rise in me. I also got to cycle around in Chiang Mai.

So I went on from Chiang Mai to Bangkok by train because I feel strong prompting to travel on the train ride. I travel from Chiang Mai to Bangkok for 13 hours. I had a great ride. I got to know 2 pakistani girls and manage to share about my testimony to one of them.

When I arrived in Bangkok train station I had 8 hours laid over, so I decided to visit Bangkok City. I went to their shopping malls spot.. the worse part was I forgot the name of the shopping the moment I got into their publlic bus but thank God someone could speak Mandarin, so he helps me to translate. I had amazing time in Bangkok, spending time with Jesus and He revealed deeper things to me about myself.

On my way back from Bangkok to Malaysia, I had quite a disturbing time.. it was great at first spending time with Jesus and I was pleading God to give me a lower bed because the previous one I couldn't sleep the whole night because of worried I'll fall of the bed if I over turn. So this time I kept praying but I sense God telling me everything works for good for those who loves Him and He kept telling me to trust Him. So I've got peace of sleeping on upper bed knowing I will NOT fall of the bed.

True enough I thank God I was on the upper bed, towards night time I felt something not good is going to happen so I prayed for protection then went on sleeping and I woke up around 12+ and saw a prostitute came inside the train and lie down on this white man lower bed. This man waas shocked at first himself too but later on they started having sex and makes noisy sounds.. I was on my top bed praying and I told God, "I'm a children of light I don't want to accept or tolerate this kind of activities happening around me". True enough God gave me many verses and telling me this warfare belongs to Him. I spend 2 hours kneeling down on my top bed binding and casting out spirit of lust, interceding for them.. and they still continues on.. In the end in my desperation, I cried out to God and asked Him why is not happening Your name.. and then I felt God telling me, "Liyien, remember I told you this is my battle, is not yours. All you need to do is just focus on me and worship me." So I started worshipping God and on the 2nd songs I sense breakthrough so I took off my earphone and I heard true enough they stopped. Praise God!! It was the most intense ride of my life but I experience Victories!!

Honestly speaking I'll never go for another trip alone to Thailand again if God did not ask me to go. On the train ride few different men came up to me and the moment I started praying they went of. I thank God this time He called me to go and I obey because He gave me victories, healing and breakthrough of my relationship with Him. I feel so much deeper with Jesus now and I trust Him so much more after this trip. Eventhough this trip from Chiang Mai back home took me more than 56hours and 38hours inside the train but through this trip I learned to trust His WORDS! I used to doubt His words but now I choose to stand upon HIs Words and His Promises because He has proven trustworthy, faithful and GOOD!

I will choose now to Obey Him because He desires and KNOWS what's BEST for me!!

I arrived!!

2007 has gone and now comes 2008... I arrived in Penang on 1st of January to staff a Discipleship Training School (DTS). What a great start! I took a bus from KL until Butterworth and from there I took a ferry ride across Penang carrying over 30kg luggages and tears almost flow down not because of anything other than the bag is too heavy!!! But I thank God for a calm and serene ride from the ferry..


Immediately the next day after my arrival, early morning we had meetings, classroom decorations, spring cleaning (3months once), praying for one another and over each students and more Meetings!!! I heard YWAM is also known as Youth With A Meeting.. i guess is true.




But I am certainly excited to meet those students that are coming in next week at the same time I miss my niece badly...










I want to thank each one of you of your supports, prayers and encouragements. Not one of them is in waste but has been such great encouragements to me to continue following Jesus on the road that has set before me. Only me and God knows how much I treasure each of your supports..


So i have to go for another meetings now.... blessed you all with the Love and best of God

This Road And This Cross

Can I not pick up this old rugged cross?
Is there any other alternative way for me to take?
Is there any other short cut?
Must I really take this road and carry this cross?

Can I bear this pain? Can I even bear its weight?
Can I even bear its cost; the lost and the suffering it involves?

Lord, Can I not take this long and deserted road?
Is too far. Too tough and too lonely. It is even painful.
What if I fail? What if I fall?

What if I'm lost on this journey?
Who will pick me up?
Who will heal my pains and wounds?
Who can I run to? Who will walk with me in this journey?

Am I able to walk through this bumpy and dusty road?
Will I be strong enough to carry this old rugged cross?
Is this the only way for me to embrace You and to seek Your heart?

Daddy, Who can I cry out to in times of pain and loneliness?
Is there a place for me to hide? Can I escape from this cross?

But Daddy if I were to escape this road and this cross of mine,
Will I still be able to feel Your heart beat and hear Your cry?
And to wipe the tears from Your eyes?
Will I be able to share Your Joy and Your pain or even understand the meanings of it.
If I were to escape this road and this cross of mine,
Will I still be transform into the image of my Lord Jesus?
Will I still have the courage to stand before You?
And to look into Your eyes
And to say "Thank You Daddy for all that You have done for me"? from my Heart


You pick me up from the filthy pit of darkness with Your bleeding hands.
You rescue me from those who pursue me.
You carry me in Your arms when I couldn't even stand.
You wipe away every tear in my eyes.
You heal every pain in my heart. You set me free to Live.
And take away every shame in me and clothes me in Your Robe of Righteousness.

I know You, Daddy
If I were ever to count the cost of the Cross, it will always be a Plus.
Because You have paid it all for me.
You carry my cross of death and You've given me Your Cross of life.
All I have to do NOW is only to pick up this Cross of mine.

I realize now, this Cross is not my curse but my blessings
Is not my burdens but my Strength.
Yes, Daddy I will pick up this Cross. I will walk this road.
Because I know...
You will carry this Cross with me till my End.